Once upon a time I didn’t believe recovery for possible for me. I believed I was a lost cause and I was one of those cases that just would never be able to get better.
I say once upon a time because I defied my own beliefs about myself and have managed to recover. I remember so many others I did treatment with feeling the same way about not being able to get better and being free not being possible, I know it’s a common belief in people with eating disorders. I was so trapped in it and I’ll forever be proud of myself for pulling myself out of it.
I was waiting for someone or something to save me; to come along and give me what I needed to push me to recover. It took me so long to realise the only person who could make me do it was myself and my willpower to change my life. For sure treatment professionals and programs play a part for a lot of people and I highly recommend engaging in treatment if you have an ED.
But for my personal recovery I’d spent years in and out of programs and hospitals before my mum signed me up for a personal development course that completely changed my life and taught me that I was going to be waiting forever to get better if I didn’t just make myself do it no matter how much grief my mind gave me for it. That there was a life outside of it for me and it was going to be amazing.
And I did it. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done and I spent a long time feeling very uncomfortable but I knew it was going to be worth it and I was right! If you asked me a few years ago if I thought I could get to where I am now I definitely would not believe you, but now I won’t ever look back. I’ve had my ups and downs but my mind is no longer trapped so it’s not an option anymore to go back to how I was.
I’ve gone on and used that same willpower to change other major aspects of my life like leaving a toxic relationship and quitting smoking, and will continue to use it throughout my life.
We are so much stronger than we believe. When we are trapped it’s so hard to see a way out, but making ourselves do what we don’t feel like doing in terms of recovery is so important. You won’t ‘feel’ like not listening to your eating disorder but doing it anyway will help you create a life without it.
Contributed by Ruby