Family & Friends

Approaching Someone With a Suspected Eating Disorder

Early intervention is a key aspect in promoting recovery from an eating disorder. If you have concerns that somebody close to you may be developing or experiencing difficulties with food, it is important to try to broach the issue with the person. Do not ignore it, it will not go away. It is best to address and tackle disordered eating behaviour as early as possible. It may seem challenging, but keep in mind you are doing the best thing for your loved one, and for yourself.

There are no right or wrong ways to start this discussion as every situation and person is different, however there are some points to consider:

Communicate – be calm, honest and open about your concerns for the person. The longer a person lives with an eating disorder, the more physical and psychological damage will be done, and the longer it will take to reach a point of full recovery.
Maximise the chances of a positive conversation. Use your knowledge of the person when deciding the best way and time to approach them. You may find it helpful to role play your conversation with another person who provides the responses your loved one would give. If it is easier for you the role play in your own mind
Assure the person you are talking about it because of your genuine care and concern, rather than coming across as making accusations or judgements.
Use ‘I’ statements rather than ‘You’ statements. ‘You’ statements can lead to the person feeling attacked. For example, ‘I am concerned for you because I have noticed you are not so happy at the moment’ rather than ‘You aren’t happy at the moment.’
Offer information. This way the person has something to read later, such as a fact sheet, brochure or a list of services – even if they’re not initially prepared to take in what you are saying. To find out about and request an information sheet from EDV, please contact the Eating Disorders Helpline on 1300 550 236 or email help@eatingdisorders.org.au.
Avoid using labelling or judgemental language. Focus on the person’s behavioural changes, rather than their weight, food consumption or physical appearance. For example, you might decide not to use the words eating disorder or bulimia but to talk more generally about moods, behaviour, isolation and your concerns about these.
Choose a time when you are both feeling calm and are unlikely to have any distractions. Pick a safe and comfortable place.
Encourage the person to seek professional help from counsellors, doctors, youth workers, community health centres and organisations such as Eating Disorders Victoria.
Reassure the person you are there to help and support them and they are not alone in their situation. Encourage them to seek support from the people in their life who love them - friends, family, parents etc.
Encourage the person to see the benefits of a life without an eating disorder.
Seek support for yourself.
Be prepared for their emotional reaction, which may be one of anger, denial or relief:
- Anger – the person may feel angry at their privacy has been threatened, that they have not been able to deal with the eating disorder on their own or that they are embarrassed or ashamed.
- Denial – the person may deny there is a problem because they feel guilty or ashamed. The person may also feel protective about their eating disorder, especially if it serves a purpose for them, such as a coping mechanism or a sense of control in their life. Alternatively the person may be confused and shocked because they have not yet identified themselves as having an eating disorder.
- Relief – the person may feel relieved that someone has noticed and offered them support or help.

If the person is truly endangering his or her life by their eating habits, family and friends may need to insist that professional help is sought.

Last Updated: March 2009