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Living with someone with an eating disorder |
It’s not always easy to feel certain about what you can do to help the person you care about. Here are some ideas:
- Encourage the person to seek professional help.
Overcoming an eating disorder can be very difficult without assistance, so accessing professional help is an important goal. - Encourage the person to recognise their other skills and attributes.
Use your knowledge of the person to encourage them to see the positive effects change can bring and to see the benefits of a life without an eating disorder. - Try to keep communication positive and open.
Take time to talk, but not always about the eating problem. - Try to take the focus off food and weight.
The person with the eating disorder is already likely to be over focussed on food and weight issues. - Mealtimes should not become a battleground.
Frustrations and emotions need to be expressed but not at meal times; this is already likely to be a difficult time. - Accept limitations and responsibilities.
The support and encouragement of family and friends is vital, however it is the person with the eating disorder’s responsibility to take the necessary steps towards recovery. - Independence.
The person with the eating disorder has the right to lead an independent life and make decisions for themselves and in their own time. This can be difficult especially if the person is younger or quite sick, however, recovery often involves the person learning to become more self-sufficient. - Set boundaries.
If someone is behaving in a way that is difficult for you, it is okay to let them know that their behaviour is not acceptable. Only set boundaries you can enforce. - Do things as you usually would.
The person with the eating disorder needs to learn to co-exist with food and with other people, rather than others learning to co-exist with the eating disorder. Try not to make any changes to meal times, food shopping, outings, topics of conversation, or other interests.  Separate the person from the disorder.
Remind yourself that the person’s behaviour is often more a symptom of the eating disorder than a reflection of their character.- Enjoy things together.
It is important not to let the eating disorder become the focus of the family or relationship. Continue to enjoy things together that you have always done. - Build the person's self –esteem.
Try and focus on their positive behaviours rather than the more destructive ones. - Spend time with other members of the family or friendship group.
The person with the eating disorder is important, but no more so than other people. Try to avoid a situation where siblings or partners feel neglected. - Accept your limitations.
As a family member or friend, you can not deal with all the problems associated with the disorder. Your role as a family member or friend is unique and something that a therapist can’t be, just as the therapist’s role is something a family member or friend can’t take on. - Become informed.
Information about eating disorders, recovery stories and strategies can be useful. There are several books written for families and friends. - Look after yourself.
Get as much support and information as you need. Support groups, relatives, friends, counsellors, telephone support lines and other professionals may be useful. - Be patient!
Eating disorders are complicated and recovery can take some time. Sometimes its important to remind yourself that the person does not want to be unwell either, but they lack the ability to overcome the disorder straight away.
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